February 7, 2011

2010 rear in review. That’s supposed to be year. I know it’s a bit late. What’s that phrase? Something … late than never.  A lot of unpleasant sounding stuff happened to me last year. I reflect and respond with Wow! Not sure I have ever encountered so many challenges during a year. Hope I have learned from them. This probably won’t be the toughest year I ever have.  I hope not, despite my optimism, I am realistic. It would be nice if those things that challenge us in life are little more spread out next time. Indeed, for me, last year was for creating a tabula rasa. Last year was actually a really great year.

Besides the neck injury, there’s more to my 2010. There are other challenges that I had to deal with. Some occurred before my accident, some occurred after, and some were pushed to the forefront by the accident. Not everybody knows the whole story. I’ve kept my cards close to the vest as I navigated the year.

First let me honor the blog and give a neck update. I know I’m teasing the reader a little. I’ll be quick. I’m at 99%. The recovery continues in the left hand as it works just fine. It has normal strength. Fingers fing. The hyper sensitivity clings and has yet to cease. It’s a slow process with little tangible progress. There seems to be such a small amount of healing left. It’s as if the smaller the amount of healing there is the less noticeable the increments of recovery are. The doctor said it’s an 18 to 24 month healing period. After that, what lingers maybe permanent. My neck is sore occasionally and I have tiny little muscle spasms. They are rare and last no more than a second. I just need to massage and relax those muscles more often. I am back to work. Its business as usual. It’s nice to say that.

Last year started out with a nasty virus in my computer. Irritating and inconvenient. Time consuming and costly.  Micro PC-cillin was my antivirus. It’s not recommended by this user. The worst of it was the loss of all my emails, word, and excel documents. That meant all my business documents: contacts, forms, my history.

My dear Uncle Bill passed away in February. His quality of life had been inadequate for several years from a series of strokes. His passing wasn’t a surprise. Nonetheless the loss still hurt my heart. He was good to me, I Loved him.

Slow business and a poor economy for custom woodworking began to exasperate my long simmering financial problems. Years of stress created by overbearing debt left me feeling desperate, trapped, and desolate. Never missed a payment, but I knew I was in over my head. Eventually I would sink. I needed a solution. I was looking. I was hoping. I needed to win the lottery. Most people thought I was self employed. That was true on the surface, but I was really working for the banks.

It was March, I was turning 34. The house I lived in had my name on the mortgage but I shared it with my father and Uncle Dennis. The house was in a state of remodel. That state being stagnant and perpetually unfinished. It was underwater. Feared I would be living with my father and uncle forever. It’s not what I wanted. It’s not what I envisioned. I didn’t see a way out. I wondered, “How will I ever have a family of my own at this point?”

Broke my neck March 21^st.

I remember laying in the ER waiting for my diagnosis and planning the rest of my day. I had a kitchen installation the next week and needed to spray finish on the cabinets. So the plan was to go work in the shop after I got home from the ER. The nurse broke the news. “The doctor didn’t tell you? You have fractures in your neck.”

Here’s what I actually said to myself, “Oh, just fractured. That’s not too bad. She didn’t say broken. Fractured is not broken. Oh God. Fractured is broken. I broke my neck. I can’t break my neck. What am I going to do??” That was tough. The gig was up. Soon the rest of my life would be crushed. It was out of my hands.

As you know, there were other hands. Lots of other, loving, caring, and helpful hands.

I told Hank, my step father, all about my financial situation and asked for his help and guidance. He called a debt counselor and they informed us that they don’t provide miracles. One credit card company was literally willing to let Hank pay bills on my behalf. We contacted a bankruptcy attorney. He recommended chapter 7, total liquidation.  Filed in July.

In September, my cousin, Sam, two years younger than I, passed away after a tiresome battle with cancer. That still hurts the most. The hardest to make sense of. I am still profoundly amazed by the strength of his parents, his wife, and brother. I know their year has been so much harder than mine. My thoughts are with them. I Love them. I Loved Sam. I miss him.

I got what I asked for, plus much more this last year, it just came in a ways I never imagined.

I’m still waiting for the bank to come foreclose on the house and give me my 75 day notice. I may leave before then. I will lose my shop space. It’s a great place and I’ve built some very beautiful stuff in there. However, I have new shop space lined up just west of Carrboro. I can build beautiful stuff there too.

What do you think?

I think it's beautiful

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bankruptcy really isn’t as scary as I thought. It turns out they don’t take your underwear and kick you out of your house. I give up the house and the shop, but the rest of the stuff I have is basically worthless and they don’t want it. With exemptions, I got to keep my tools, truck, and stay in business. I’m not sending all my income to banks anymore. My financial stress is all but gone now. It’s a real big weight lifted off my shoulders. It’s liberating. It turns out the rest of my life wasn’t crushed after all.

Lately, I’ve been taking a small business class, and I am finding it extremely useful. It’s giving me a foundation and understanding in running a business that I have never had. It’s creating confidence. I have a new opportunity, and I am excited about it.

My appreciation for life, its beauty and fragility, continues to blossom. I cherish and hold my loved ones closer. I’ve learned how wonderful the people in my life are. I see abundant value in my friends and I am trying to be sure they know that.

2010 also brought me Mary. I asked for her too. She is a big part of what was a really great year. She sort of came on the same day I broke my neck. Didn’t get to actually meet her in person until April. Nothing like being 34 years old having your mom drop you off for a first date with a halo on. I didn’t see her coming, but she saw me. I’m so very, very lucky. We are getting married and are planning our life together.

Told you I was lucky!

I believe life is easy. Life is beautiful. That’s a perception belief. I can’t provide answers for or a reconciliation of this past year’s events. I value them. They are a source of growth. Experience of life to draw on.

Heard this the other day and liked it,

“Tough times don’t last, tough people do”

Still immensely grateful. Still looking forward.

My Peace and Love to you all